I call myself a writer but I haven't written anything of substance outside my head (aside from emails, a few letters, and sporadic journal entries) in almost four years.
Why now? Why start blogging now? I feel I have to or the thoughts and ramblings that bounce around my head all day will seep out in the most inappropriate ways. And - I'm ready to move on, start over, begin again....all those cliched phrases seem appropriate. I need to get back to "real" work and I want that work to be writing. I want to get back into freelance feature writing, but first I have to have an outlet for all the "other" stuff.
The other stuff includes quite a bit. I lost my husband to cancer a little over three years ago. That is such a stupid way to say it...he's not lost. Cancer killed him and I watched them wheel his body away from me. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to endure - letting the nice guy (the one with the long braid hanging down the back of his suit) take my husband away from me. Later, I watched them wheel his body to the crematorium and I helped scatter his ashes on a Florida beach - so I know he's not lost. he died after an 18-month fight and I still feel his absence every single day.
No, this will not be a sad, weepy...."oh I'm a widow, how will I go on" sort of blog. The grief will certainly be a part of it, but not the heart of it. There are many things for me to muse about....raising two kids alone, dealing with a neurotic dog, living in a bizarro Mayberry-type town, dating (yikes!), etc.
You'd think that with all I went through in the last five years I would have been busting at the seams to write things down. Well there was a lot in my head and in my heart but I couldn't get it out. Now it starts. We'll see where it goes.
-Dragonfly
Great post! I can't wait to read more about your neurotic dog and dating in Mayberry.
ReplyDeleteLove the description of your husband. Yes you indeed have a lot in your head and a lot to get down. Can't wait to see more.
ReplyDeleteI write things in my head as well and find that putting them on paper, virtual or not, helps me process the events going on in my life. I wish you all the best and look forward to future posts.
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. You seem to be very in-touch with your feelings and that's good. If this is the explore/describe your inner-most feelings of the different experiences so that the readers can learn from them as well. I'll be interested in future posts.
ReplyDelete